Deep Blue Sea 2

DEEP BLUE SEA 2

And here...we...go...

We start where all good shark movies do, Eight Miles Off the South African Coast Illegal Shark Finning Vessel "Nevu" where some dude is pulling line and yelling in some bro language I can't understand other than "She's a fighter brah" They bang stick  the fighter and this duo of dummies start hacking and machete beating a shark, tearing off the fin before tossing it onto a pile. "You're a killer my brute. Come take a selfie."

The Brute sets up a selfie and they calm down from celebrating. "Attention all mariniers. Around 179, you are advised to leave the area.'IF YOU CAN SEE ORANGE SMOKE, YOU ARE IN DANGER." They can. Machete dude gets nervous. Selfie dude wants to make that sweet shark fin dollar dollars. Something bumps their tiny little ship and we see a shark fin pop up. "LOOK AT THE SIZE AT THAT ONE" "PURE SOLID GOLD!"

We see 5 sharks in Ducks Fly Together formation. Two duck under and bump the ship sending our opening victims into the bite zone. There is tearing noises as if being cut by knives as they literally take the arms and legs off the poachers. Revenge Sharks could've been the SyFy title of this.

Some dude shows up and finds the NEVU. Sees the hockey sharks and uses a Jaws the Revenge device to make them follow him.

And now…opening credits with an attractive woman dancing. This has…like a James Bond theme. "Wading into Dark…Bluuuuuuuuuuuue. Trading dreams for nightmares the undertow of glum, in the bluuuuuuuuuuuue. Drowning in the Deep Blue Sea.

Dragged into the riptide, falling from the light from coming throuuuuuuuuuuugh.

Trading dreams for nightmares, the undertow of glum, in the BLUUUUUUUUUUUUUUE

Drowning in the Deep Blue Sea.

This lady is swimming with sharks and they don't attack her. Got it? Great.

Cut to later "I can't belive he didn't eat you" She blames hollywood for shark's bad reputation. "Anytime there is an attack, it's a mistaken identity. They're being  killed at a rate of 100 million a year. " That seems high.

Bull sharks are the most dangerous according to her. Bite harder than a Great White. Tenacity of a pit bull (Who is reputation bashing now?!)

Shark  Hearder is named Trent. Knockoff water place is Akheilos Complex.

"We had a jail break today. All five." "That's five too many, man." Time to double check the fencing.

Back to school where Dr. Callhoon is met by a Burns, who works for a pharmaceutical dude. She doesn't trust him He hands her a check for $50,000 and an offer to fund her science for the next 5 years if she comes to talk. And with that, he leaves while she considers.

Underwater shot of the Sealab 2021. This could easily be a sci-fi outerspace set. We meet Aaron. The computer nerd. "Always keep the fences green." Trent yells at him for the sharks getting out. "That's not possible…system is working pefectly."

A shark tests a camera and an electoral field. They dug a tunnel under the cable. This is officially a Trump Wall allegory.'

Oh crap, they just introduced two new scientists and I completely missed their names. They're smart newlyweds. "It's crazy to pack an overnight bag and head off to sea." "Guess we'll find out together then."

Boat ride.

"The child who turned into a shark. Yeah. Akheilos. Oy.

Cut to under water people working on fencing. The big bearded dude is Mike. Trent meets main scientist later. Trent Slater. Misty Calhoun. "We're reinforcing the perimeter." "What are you trying to keep out?" "More like what are we keeping in?"

OH look. Bull sharks. The kind she said were the worst. Rich Dude Durant showed up. Said there is 5, called one Bella. Daniel and Leslie Kim are the other scientists. HUZZAH.

"Those are a disaster waiting to happen. Working with bull sharks is a bad idea." "No one is going to get hurt out here." There we go. And topside we head.

They go topside and Durant chucks the nerd in the water. Sharks a coming. People a freaking. "ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO DO ANYTHING?" Misty dives in to go after him. Ducks Fly Together. Trent hits the button and the sharks scatter.

Tells her to put dry clothes on for the wet lab later. Aaron shows his show has been nicked at "They were playing with me."

Scene of the pretty doctor taking her pants off and drying her hair in her underwear. Literally all the scene is. Cut to the lab. She watches the sharks.

Cut to Durant. He has a vial of something. Shakes it up. Drinks it down. A side effect is that See Equations Meme. Enter lawyer. Re-ups Durant on the start of the film. 'They're learning how to learn and they like it…My sharks are getting smarter!' "They have trackers, we can always find them, even if they're in THE DEEP BLUE SEA.

A DAGGONE SHARK IS OVER HEARING THIS CONVERSATION OF HIM SAYING HE'S GOING TO KILL THE SHARKS WHEN THE STUDY IS OVER. THE DAGGONE SHARK IS DAGGONE OVERHEARING THE DAGGONE CONVERSATION.

Meanwhile, the married couple have a spat cause the dude has already been working with Durant and slipped her work to him as well. Uniquely he wants to be rich and she just wants to be a scientist. "I need to trust you." They are so dead.

"You and your husband study brain injuries…Misty interrupts him to reveal he makes intelligence enhnacers like aderol. Durant announces they've found a way to straight up make you smarter. Misty gets ticked at him studying on sharks.

Time for "Bella."  Trent and Mike guide her. Tranq.  Mike and Trent bring her into the wet lab. They put equipment on her. We get health stats. She's good. Claims to have improved her intelligence by 1000 fold. He seems to be doing this because he's afraid of a Terminator future.

"I think you have a god complex."
"When I'm done we'll all be gods."
"Or monsters."

Meanwhile, sharks are, you know, setting up the third act.

"Hrt eye sight has improved and she can communicate with the others. So, she's the Final Boss. Gotcha.

bOAT INTO THE electric box. Some flashes. Gas seems to start pouring into the water. Misty instantly drops the info that Bella is preggers. "I know a knocked up shark when I see one."

"Your drugs alter her DNA, maybe more than you thought."

Aaron notices stuff going on up top. Critical Malfunction. Trent finds the electric and gas nonsense. Hits his "Where you at, Sharks?" Buzzer. Runs back inside.

The sharks start bashing the facility. Bull Sharks charging.

I don’t know who  this one character is…thankfully, he appears to be on his way out. Sorry, buddy.  "Got to get a throat culture." Shark wakes up. Just gets his arm out. They drop her back in. That dude somehow didn't get hurt. Good on him. Banging noises.

The lawyer is writing a fancy law note while jamming to an MP3. EXPLOSIONS OUTSIDE. Guess the gas got to the electric fence. Lawyer stumbles around a bit. Finds a water leak. Aaron is trying to fix the fences while everyone yells at him.

Harks start eating the cameras. Well, Bella does. Sharks keep bashing the facility. The lawyer gets washed away. Misty finds a flooded corridor. The dead lawyer floats up. "I've never seen a shark bite pattern like that before." They nibbled him to death.

They're in a frenzy. Serious hunting mode. "If all the sharks are in the lagoon…who did that to Greg?" BABY SHARKS BABY SHARKS BABY SHARKS. "You're talking like they're super Piranha." "They're worse…much worse." Cut to CGI Much Worse.

Durant brags that they're so totally screwed that his work must be super awesome. "They know [the hole In the fence is there]" Aaron realizes Bella is smart and vengeful. "She's knows what revenge is and the rest are her soldiers!"

The two main characters argue over who is going to do the suicide run up top to a phone and a minor character takes the charge instead. Without main character powers he's quickly KO'd. Trent saves him.

As Misty tries to give him CPR (saving him) we see a shark in the background. Everyone is by the water. A Sam Jackson scene is probably coming. "Those sharks can kiss my--" and Mike gets his head bit off. Misty immediately starts calling for weapons. Durant is shocked "I teach people sharks aren't monsters BUT YOURS ARE"

They lose pressure. Stuff starts bombing. Water flooding. Needless stalling of asking Trent why he works for Durant. The answer is money. Shocking.

People are split up. Durant on his own. Lucky Guy and Nerd. Main Characters. Newlyweds (but she was KO'd while in a float thing…jacket…yeah) Durant finds main characters.

Lying Husband is found by baby sharks. He hops on to a pipe and Cute little CGI Sharks hop up at him. We cut back to him after checking on someone else. He falls into the water, but they appear gone. Baby sharks make weird little squeak noises.  Lucky Guy and Nerd race to find a way out of the water. Nerd goes to a top bunk. Lucky Guy hides in the glass shower.We watch the little things bounce against the glass. Shower starts to give. Lucky Guy is no longer Lucky.

I don't know how Baby Sharks became the main villains. She thinks she hears Daniel and Durant abandons her behind a door, breaking the handle. Meanwhile, Nerd is using his mattress as a raft.

Trent and Durant literally argue out the moral of the movie. "I think MAN is the real threat!"

Meanwhile, married lady literally wakes up long enough to be murdered by baby sharks.

Assorted running around. Lying Husband doesn't make it. Gets the torn in half treatment. Misty decides to swim for it. Somehow  outswims a shark…or so it seems.

The coast guard sends a CGI drone to check on the facility and it gets eaten by a shark. Durant is super pumped about it. They realize the dock they're one is about to sink. Trent sees a boat in the distance. Misty chucks Aaron into the water and then dives in with Trent. Durant is last to jump in. And they swim for it.

There are five sharks and four humans. This should be the end of the movie. Aaron goes down. The others actually stop swimming. A shark appears but goes past Misty and Trent. Straight for Durant.

DURANT DIVES UNDER WATER AND ROARS AT THE SHARK. SHE RUNS AWAY AND HE POPS UP IN CELEBRATION JUST IN TIME FOR HER TO GO AIR JAWS AND BITE HIM IN HALF AT THE TOP OF HER JUMP.

Thus ends the mad scientist. Misty and Trent make it to the boat. It won't start. Bella is coming. Dives down to power up. LAUNCHES OUT OF THE WATER AND IS SHOT IN THE FACE WITH TWO FLARES….which somehow stops the momentum of the jump and kills her.

Without a general, what will the soldiers do? Blow up due to a Deus Ex Paranoia Scientist Countdown Box. Blows up the whole complex, baby sharks assumed dead. Aaron showed back up by the way. 

3 Weeks Later. Random people you don't know get eaten by a pack of sharks. No really. The end.

Deep Blue Sea 2 "Disturbingly Cheap Review"