TEKKEN

TEKKEN

Here we go.

"After the terror wars, the government fell." And corporations took control. 8 companies survived and took their own segment. They are known as Iron Fist. Tekken took control of America.

Tournament. Kill or be killed. Once a year. Outside the wall, "it all started." How many movies have had the "corporations take control" set up?

Anyway, we get clips of people fighting before cutting to "Five Days Earlier." Some guy is fleeing from people with guns because, well...that's usually a better way to avoid getting shot.

A shot of Cary H-T [Mortal Kombat's Shang Tsung] is always good for a martial arts villain.

The opening credits obsession with randomly freezing to show off a name before going back to action is rather annoying.

Aww, they shot the chickens. The only thing sadder is this generic blast of music on the soundtrack. More fleeing. Our...hero(?) notices armed guards in the same area so he runs towards them and then hides. His attackers get mistaken for enemies and are mowed down. Well...that happened.

So this guy goes to a building and knocks. "This is real music, not that corportate ****." Apparently, the corps have banned the Beatles. Of course, we can't play a Beatles song either cause that would cost too much. Anyway, guy delivers some sort of device to the rambling mess of a cliche fight the power character. "You said Global dollars." "I say alot of things. I drink." Main Character gets his Global $$.

Jin. He called him Jin, so this is Jin Kazama. Gotcha. Cut to the Iron Fist tournament announcement by our villain, Heihachi Mishima.

Martial Law apparently lost a fluke and has to fight for a wild card spot. I guess that's foreshadowing to Jin beating him. Jin buys him some illegal coffee, oranges, and chocolate. Scandalous.

Jin gets confronted by two men. "You're tough men. I used to watch you fight." They want him to enter the tournament for the good of the people. He says no. Reluctant hero.

Cut to Mishima. Fighters from home corportations are on their way. Mishima gives control to his son Kazuya for the duration of the tourny.

His son asked why he wasn't allowed to give the speech in order to pass on the torch. He's basically told to watch his mouth and stay in his place.

Jin returns home to his mother Jun. Gives her the orange he bought...Awwww. And the coffee, too. "Running Anti-Tekken contraband will get you killed!" She scolds any idea of him being in the tourny.

"The World burned because people wanted more." He asks about his father, she says he's dead. Luke...look inside. You know the truth

Anyway, he meets a cute blond girl. Kara. Gives her the chocolate. Okay then, Robin Hero.

Cut to the rebels. They'll be able to break in for 60 seconds. Are pumped about it. Meanwhile, Hero is about to get 'lucky.' BOOM Rebels get a surprise visit from eager to please son, Kazuya.

They "Backtracked" the hack. Cliche Rebel reaches for a gun. Disarmed. "The revolution will not be televised." And then they shoot him. Cut to them going after Jin. And his mother. His mom fights back, briefly. They want Jin.

Kazuya is made aware that "We have located the insurgents." "Burn everything and everyone." Cue a rocket into Jun's house just a Jin is rounding a corner to come help her. Dead mother. Is this a Disney movie, now?

So, Jin finds pictures in the burning the building and has an exposition flashback to her training him as he obviously decides to enter/win the tournament for revenge. He finds a card...his mother once competed in Tekken. His girl appears so he can express his guilt and anger. "He's gonna pay for what he has done!"

"Has an unknown ever won a spot in an open call?" "No."

Gee...I guess Jin is going to break the trend. Meanwhile, actor Luke Goss is looking for a fighter. Jin signs up.

Cut to fighting in a chain link cage. A big man who volunteered changes his mind when someone is nearly broken in half by Marshall Law. So, it's Jin/Law...who could have ever seen this coming?!

People watching on TV recognize Jin. Law spits on Jin's feet. The announcer's talk about how Jin is doomed. Cue Jin dominating.

The Mishimas are shown watching. Eventually, Jin goes for an armbar but Law impossiblely flips him and takes over. The music tells us this is bad. Jin falls to the mat. Seemingly out, but as Law goes for the final blow, he has the even convenient flashback to his mother's teachings. "If you can still breathe, you can
still fight." So...yeah. He fights back and wins.

"Ratings are up." states young Mishima. Oh goody? Goss clings close to Jin. Since they've known each other for 2 minutes, Jin shares his mother's death with Goss. Goss volunteers to be his agent.

"What's in it for you?"
"30 %."
"You'll take 10."

They agree on 20. I'm just recapping this because the movie shows Jin travelling while having flashbacks to stuff that happened 10 minutes ago.

Then we show Kazuya Mishima surrounded by women. But he's too busy complaining that his father won't give him control in-between cuts of him making love. Hateful, hateful love.

Later, as he gets a drink, his father appears. Scolds him for not making preparations. About the importance of the tournmanet. But the son is still in sad child mode about the whole thing.

Jin arrives with Goss. But we cut to Son Mishima giving comments/notes of the other fighters. Raven. Eddie Gordo. Dragonov. And so on and so on. Christie. Rojo. Yoshimitsu. "A true samurai warrior." and Bryan Fury. We then cut to training of said people.

Goss gives Jin an outfit. Just like what he has in the game, but Jin rejects it. Ha Ha...ha? The other figthers make remarks about Jin. Mostly underestimating him. Then a few randomly pose for the camera. that's the only way to explain those shots.

Jin stares at Christie. He compliments her toes. This breaks the ice easily enough. Goss interrupts the flirting.

So we cut to the start of the tournament and the tournament's over produced show. Fighters get introduced...again.

Nina. Anna. I forgot them earlier.

Goss says, "You feel sick? Gonna puke?" "Already did that." Ha?

Son Mishima is worried about Jin's "style." Subtle foreshadowing for anyone who knows Tekken's background.

RAVEN VS. EDDIE GORDO
So, Eddie flips around like a rookie mashing buttons. Hits a few moves. Raven gets out of a leg lock. "Bring it on, boy!" Eddie doesn't really haven an accent. So they fight some more as the camera has a mild seizure. Finally, Raven gets the full mount and pounds Gordo into unconciousness.

MIGUEL ROJO VS. JIN THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE
Christie wishes Jin luck.
Goss: "This guy thinks he's the second coming." Followed by some advice to chop the guy down. A bad habit that can be exploited. I'm sure it won't help Jin to win the fight at all.

Jin starts with an attack. Rojo reverses and sends him flying. "Not in their league." Son Mishima. "You know where you are? This is IRON FIST!" Thanks, Rojo. I thought I was in Sparta.

Jin starts blocking and dominating. Then does a backflip leg drop style move to try and impress Christie. This let's Rojo recover some since it's more flash than bash. They trade back and forth attacks until Rojo tosses him like garbage. We cut to the other fighters chatting about the fight.

Jin has his magical "Mommy Memory" and powers up for the win using the advice that Goss gave him and breaking Rojo's leg before planting a dropkick into his back.

Then he has memories of something he didn't even freaking see and pounds Rojo some more until Goss calls him off.

"You were saying?" Father Mishima seems impressed. Smirks.

Son Mishima appears while Goss is talking to Jin. This allows his backstory to be mentioned. Steve Fox. Former Boxer.

Son mentions that Father was impressed. "I would like to thank ' Mr. Mishima for this opportunity in person." Not happening.

Cut to Jin training. Mommy Memories helping him to become a more complete fighter and break the training post. Christie stalks him as he does it.

Christie says she has to "get out of here for a while" which is against the rules. Jin points that out and she states "Not if you dont' get caught." Oh, rebelous bad girl. The camera reminds us that she's good looking

Elsewhere, Son Mishima is checking information on Jin and discovers that Jun was his mother.

It may be against the rules to leave, but that doesn't mean you should hide yourself in public. In fact, allow the DJ to announce you've entered the club.

Christie tells Jin the tournament isn't about killing. "I guess I should be more like you." "You don't know anything about me." Cue Jin babbling background of her. More shots to remind us that Christie is a rather attractive lady.

So, they make out on the dance floor then we cut to them sneaking back in despite the fact there are NUMEROUS WITNESSES THAT THEY LEFT. Anyway, they make out some more. "I need sleep. I have to kick your *** tomorrow morning." Oh, so witty, Ms. Christie.

She leaves and suddenly there are assassins in Jin's room trying to kill him while strobe lights...uh...strobe? Anyway, Christie hears this and returns to help him. They aren't revealed but it was obviously Nina and Anna.

Cut to Goss ranting about how this was done to keep him from winning. So, Jin reveals his mother's Tekken Card. "Jun...I knew her." states Goss. "She was a Tekken fighter." Duh?

"Why didn't she say anything?!" To protect him according to Goss. He reveals he doesn't care about the tournament, intending to kill Father Mishima. Elsewhere, Nina and Anna get yelled at by Son.

He shows his anger by beating up a henchmen like all good cliche villains. Next day...

CHRISTIE MONTARO VS NINA WILLIAMS
Jin states that he believes Nina was one of the assassins which inspire Christie to fight harder, I suppose.

Kicks and kick and blocks and kicks. The girls trade jabs and insults. Camera zooms in and out like broken automatic binoculars. I hate you, Shakey Cam. Christie wins because...duh. That's why.

Elsewhere, Son Mishima offers big time money to Bryan Fury to kill Jin. "Bio-enhancements are illegal...you're half robot. You'll be banned for life." With that helpful bit of blackmail, he goes to
rig the fight set-up.

JIN THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE VS. YOSHIMITSU
Wait, what? Anyway, Goss gives Jin some power gloves. No Nintendo jokes because I'm not a lazy bum. Jin's video game costume continues to evolve.

Suddenly, Father Mishima goes to change the fight. Son demands this not happen. Shoots his father's bodyguard. "The Jackhammers answer to me." "Don't do this." "It's done." Amazing dialogue.

So I guess if Jin makes it past Yoshi, he gets Fury, I have a feeling. In other words, the most likely to kill him. Well, time to overcome the odds.

FIGHT! Zoom in and out as they dual with weapons. Yoshimitsu with his sword. Jin with some sort of weapon that has it's blade shatter easily leaving him with a staff. That gets sliced quicker.

Disarms Yoshi. Gets slammed to ground. Many, many cuts. "Ratings! Through the roof!" Yay? Son gives the signal to Yoshi to kill Jin. Causing a flurry of damage to the hero. Goss is ready to throw in the towel.

"There is NO honor in this." Son Mishima reveals that Jin is his son. Realizing that means he has a grandson, Father Mishima starts busting people up.

Meanwhile, Jin harnesses his Mommy Memories to beat Yoshimitsu. Guards hold down the Grandfather Mishima.

Goss and Christie help an injured Jin up as other fighters are captured by security/Jackhammers. They all get caught.

In the prison, Raven is rather ticked off. But helps replace Jin's dislocated shoulder.

Son Mishima then monologues. "Ratings spiked to their highest lever ever..." so all fights are now to the death. Reminds me of "The Quick and the Dead" which is a much better revenge tournament movie at the moment.

Raven is down for the fighting to the death but first, he's going to mess up some guards for daring to arrest him. The rest go for a jail break.

Goss got a gun. He can't use it very well, but he's got it. Raven is taking out more ARMED GUARDS with right crosses. Jin finds Father Mishima. Taunts him for being behind bars. Holy crap, Raven has a gun and now he's even deadlier. NOOOOOOOOOO RAVEN!!!! Yeah, he's shot. Knocked out. Perhaps killed.

They let Mishima loose. He doesn't run as much as power walk. Jin knows of a safehouse so they head for it as "Jackhammers" persue.

Rebelous son, Kazuya sends out troops to find them. Cut to Jin being treated by Christie until Haichai asks for a moment to speak with him. They banter. "We brought humanity from the brink. Tekken is peace." "Tekken is fear!"

Grandfather Mishima reveals he saved Jun's life, having her taken care of after Kazuya abused and nearly killed her. With this helpful exposition out of the way, the Jackhammers find them.

Fight scene. Goss gets shot down. The others get captured. Christie is tased. Kazuya appears. "Tekken belongs to me." We've got a family crisis. Anyway, after being scolded, Kazuya orders his father be executed. But doesn't stick around to see it because he's a Bond villain.

"I am Hayatchi Mishima. I. Am. Tekken." And the building explodes. Did that henchman have the wrong weapon?

Anyway, Son Mishima gives a speech at the Tekken show announcing the fights to the death which makes the Romans very happy.

DRAGONOV VS. BRYAN FURY
When did either one of these people advance?! So they fight. Dragonov slashes Fury's stomach. Dominates early. When weapons are knocked away, Fury starts to turn the tide with his bio-enhanced advantage. Wraps a chain around Dragonov's Neck and flips him. Kills him.

Cut to Raven with a wound. HE LIVES. Also, Jin's hands are all messed up.

"What, no hug for your old man?" Jin charges Kazuya. Then reveals that he would've killed her if he knew she was pregnant. You know, that way everyone figures out he's the villain.

He tells Jin he must fight Bryan Fury to get a shot at him. Threatens Christie who must be out of the tournament or something.

Christie is defiant, so Kazuya hits her. Elsewhere, Raven gives words of encouragement to Jin. "Anger doesn't fuel the fighter's soul. It incinerates it. I saw greatness in you...You're fighting for all of us." Heroic soundtrack. Jin clinches his bloody fists.

Oh boy, he must be pumped he's having a serious of memories already. Nice of the movie to recap itself. I almost forgot about the useless Rebel character. I mean, it's recapping the movie and splashing in Mommy Memories. With this much of a power-up, I expect him to instantly rip out Fury's heart.

BRYAN FURY VS. JIN THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE
This is the Finals? What happened to everyone else in the tourny? "Ain't nothin gonna save you now, boy."

Cue fight. Start with a reminder fo Fury's cibernetic self. Fury no-sells a kick. Wraps bullets are his hand. Punches the hero a bit.

Mommy Memories kick in and Jin rallies. People start a "Jin" chant. Jin climbs the top of a structure and does a Flying kick to the face. Unlike Sid Vicious, his other leg doesn't shatter upon landing. Anyway, Bryan Fury is dead from Two Story Fall Face Kick.

Angered Kazuya storms out to fight Jin. Brings some axes. Does some more evil monologue and then they fight. Slashes Jin in the shoulder "Your mother taught you many styles." He sees the look of anger in Jin's eyes. So, now Jin has to restrain his anger or lose. That'll happen in a mommy memory about a minute from now.

Kazuya roughs up Jin some more. Jin bleeding terribly. Going for the kill, Kaz is distracted when Christie makes a break for it. Jin grabs and axe and gets a good shot on his father. Goes to kill him but stops. Shucks, he overcame his need for the mommy memory, too. Hands the axe to Christie. "You won." She raises his arm and announces him as the winner.

Our random noise announcers declare him the greatest champion ever.

Wow, upon thinking on it, that last fight was underwhelming.

So a battered, bleeding Jin stumbles down a hall and puts on a leather jacket. The Jackhammers are about. They line up for him. Show loyalty.

Christie Voiceover tells us that things became a whole lot better.And then some comment about the true legacy of Tekken just beginning...

Followed by credits. The credits intercut with "highlights" of the characters. Including Steve Fox/Goss whose main effort is looking at the camera or shooting a gun. Did Anna do...anything of value in this movie?

After Credits. We reveal that Hayatchi's I AM TEKKEN got the guard to let him go.

Score: 2.5/5 An amazingly passable action tournament film, at least to someone with no real knowledge of the games it is based on. Some half fun fights plagued by shakey cam. If you're bored...well, probably just watch The Quest starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

And now...I try and figure out the bracket!

Combatants. 
Raven
Gordo
Jin
Dragonov
Nina
Anna
Christie
Rojo
YoshiMitsu
Bryan Fury

Raven d. Gordo
Christie d. Anna
Jin d. Rojo
Fury d. ??? (First Round Bye as Champ?)
Mitsu d ??? (First Round Bye as Former Champ?)
Dragunov d ???
??? d. Nina (So, Dragunov beat Nina?)

Jin d. Mistu
Fury d. Dragonov
Christie/Raven never fight. (Refuses to Compete/Injured?)

Jin d. Fury